Your role as a parent

Your role as a parent

You are not on the outside of this work. The work your child does in therapy will have effects on you and your family. I'll work to support you. You'll work to support the changes your child is making. One of our goals is for the issue and behavior that used to show up outside of therapy to begin showing up in therapy instead — this allows them to work through their issues in play, where the consequences are much lower stakes.

Still, a particularly difficult session can sometimes land at home before your child settles back down. We will keep working together to give your child a place where their hardest material has a place to live — somewhere safe from the consequences of the people they love and care for the most.

Here's what that looks like in practice:

• Parent check-ins. Depending on what's going on, we'll meet every few weeks to talk about what I'm noticing, what you're noticing, and what might help at home.
• Small, doable shifts. Books are great. My job is to have read the books — so we can plan around what your specific child needs, rather than what a general method recommends. I'll suggest specific adjustments — how to respond in a meltdown, what to say before bed, how to handle the school drop-off — that fit your child and your life.
• Honesty, both directions. If something I'm suggesting isn't working, tell me. If you're noticing something at home that I should know, tell me. The best outcomes happen when we're genuinely in it together.
• You don't have to be a perfect parent. None of us are. I'm not going to grade you. Connection and attachment are my business — and being connected and attached doesn't require being flawless.

A note on gender

Sometimes parents wonder whether a boy needs a male therapist, or whether a girl might do better with a woman.

In my experience, the right fit between a particular child and a particular therapist matters far more than gender. A girl can do exceptional work with a male therapist. A boy can do exceptional work with a female therapist. I've sat with both boys and girls around hard material — including sexual abuse — and both have moved through the work in ways that depended on the relationship, not on the demographic match.

If gender feels like a meaningful question for your family, please bring it up — I'd rather talk it through with you than have it sit in the background. And if, after we've talked, you still feel a different therapist would be a better fit for your child, I'll help you find one.