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Couples Therapy · Overland Park, KS

Couples require support. And the right or wrong support makes all the difference.

Some partnerships are trying to get closer, some are trying to get space and some are changing the relationship all together. In any case, my work is to bring support and integrity to you, your pattern and your relationship.

Begin a conversation What this work is ↓
we
What brings couples here

People are connected
through patterns.

We developed patterns of how we connect to others through our childhood and adult relationships. With some patterns we had choice and influence. In other patterns we did not. In both cases patterns are learned through repeated conditioning — and just as it took conditioning to get us into our patterns, it takes conditioning to change those patterns.

Long lasting change does not come from thinking differently.
It comes from being different — with practice. Therapy is the place to practice finding what works and experiencing letting go of what doesn't.

Attachment
Attachment is the study of how people connect and maintain security and loyalty. Understanding our attachment patterns helps us and our partners navigate and know what it takes for success in relationship. Learn more →
The relationship as a third
Each person in a relationship has needs, but so also does the relationship itself. In this way the relationship is the home for both partners, and the condition of that home is the limitation of your success. Understanding relationships as unique third entities is one of the important things to be learned in couples therapy with me.
The body
Couples uniquely share physical space, touch, and connection. This is why partners can so deeply affect the body's nervous system, our sense of safety, passion, and hearts. This is why talking alone will not affect enough of the connection that partners share. Sharing is always dynamic; rules are not. Trust and safety are the container for collaborative creating within any relationship.
You're alike, and you're different

I don't set couples free
and I don't ask them to be slaves.

The goal of relationship work with me isn't to make both people alike or maintain cold distance. It is to build a connection that protects both the differences and the sameness in each person. We don't want our partners to be too much like us, and we don't want them to be too different. It is a balance of dependence and independence that is often lovingly titled interdependence — a tough concept, but essential for successful relationships.

When relationships become a third entity — a container — partners become free to both share each other and still have differences. Safe togetherness in one unity and safe independence is what truly makes a healthy, durable relationship.

You your world Partner their world Us

The relationship holds what is committed between you and should be a safe place to come together in shared US-ness.

How therapy works

Knowing yourselves
and each other.

How can we get to know our partners, ourselves, and our relationship — that is the business of couples therapy. If any one of these is left unattended we will make more of what we don't want and less of what we wish we had — both of which rob each person of a future they want to live. It is no different with an individual — you cannot fix them or give them advice until you know them enough. What is enough? That's what I'm here to help with.

I
Questions we ask ourselves
Am I doing something wrong? Is it ok to say that? Is there something wrong with me? What hope is there? Did I cause this? Why can't I get it right? Is this because of my childhood? Is it ok to want or ask for more? Will I always feel alone?
Them
Questions we ask about our partner
What is wrong with them? Why can't they get it right? Is there hope? What on earth are they thinking? Can't they just be more supportive? Why do they always criticize? Why are they always so negative?
We
Questions the relationship asks
Is this healthy? Isn't there more? Shouldn't we love each other more? How can we recover? Who are we supposed to trust? Are all couples like this? Are we really that bad? We have a good relationship — but can we still find more?
My job isn't to be an expert on your relationship. My job is to have a wide range of resources and ways of working so that you both can get what you need — and become the experts on your own relationship.

Couples therapy is much like a team sport and I'm more like a trainer than a coach. My work is to make sure you are both trained and fit in a way that gives you the best chance and greatest opportunity to work successfully with your teammate and co-coach.

Begin a conversation →
816-609-0782
Overland Park, KS

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