What to expect

Before the first session

Most of the time, we start with a 15–20 minute phone call. No charge, no pressure. You tell me what's going on — as much or as little as feels right — and I'll tell you honestly what I think might help, whether that's working with me, working with a different therapist whose approach fits better, seeing your pediatrician, or some combination. Reaching out to talk costs nothing.

If we both want to move forward, I'll ask you to come in without your child for the first appointment. I want to hear the full story from you — your child's birth story and early years, their history, their temperament, what's changed recently, what's already been tried. I also want to know what you're hoping for, and what you're worried about.

Your child's first visit

When your child comes for their first session, the goal is simple: help them feel safe in the room and curious about what's on the shelves. A lot of the first session is just looking around, getting oriented, maybe touching the sand for the first time, starting to build something small.

Some parents work hard to explain what therapy is. That isn't necessary. Children pick up safety and trust from you. With a little testing and getting used to, they often arrive without thinking about their issues or their stress at all. They don't need to know more is wrong than they already do — just that you trust me, that they're safe, and that I want to meet them.

If you're worried at all about the transition into therapy and what to say to your child, just ask. After our conversation, I'll have a sense of the best plan for your particular kid. To date, I have not had a child refuse therapy. It sometimes takes a few beginnings — and the path in can be quite unique — but we find our way. All of us.

If you do want simple language to use with your child, something like this works:

• "Erik is someone I'm getting to know" (or "someone I've met")
• "Erik is an adult who likes spending time with kids."
• "You don't have to talk about anything you don't want to. You can play or draw or just look around."
• "I'll be in the waiting space the whole time. It's 50 minutes. When you're done, we'll go home."

Your role as a parent

You are not on the outside of this work. The work your child does in therapy will have effects on you and your family. I'll work to support you. You'll work to support the changes your child is making. One of my goals is for the issues and behaviors that show up outside of therapy to begin showing up inside therapy instead. When that happens, the experience is often that your child is doing better outside of session — while the work inside session gets tougher.

That can create some spillover. A particularly difficult session can land at home before it settles. We will keep working together to give your child a place where their hardest material has somewhere to go — somewhere more useful and more successful than the places it might otherwise show up.

Here's what that looks like in practice:

• Parent check-ins. Depending on what's going on, we'll meet every few weeks to talk about what I'm noticing, what you're noticing, and what might help at home.
• Small, doable shifts. Books are great. My job is to have read the books — so we can plan around what your specific child needs, rather than what a general method recommends. I'll suggest specific adjustments — how to respond in a meltdown, what to say before bed, how to handle the school drop-off — that fit your child and your life.
• Honesty, both directions. If something I'm suggesting isn't working, tell me. If you're noticing something at home that I should know, tell me. The best outcomes happen when we're genuinely in it together.
• I'm not your child's best parent. I can be your child's best therapist. But you'll always know your child in a way only you can — and that knowing is irreplaceable. My role is to support that. You stay the parent. I stay the support.
• You don't have to be a perfect parent. None of us are. I'm not going to grade you. Connection and attachment are my business — and being connected and attached doesn't require being flawless.

A note on gender

Sometimes parents wonder whether a boy needs a male therapist, or whether a girl might do better with a woman. I take this seriously, so I want to be direct.

In my experience, the right fit between a particular child and a particular therapist matters far more than gender. A girl can do exceptional work with a male therapist. A boy can do exceptional work with a female therapist. I've sat with both boys and girls around hard material — including sexual abuse — and both have moved through the work in ways that depended on the relationship, not on the demographic match.

If gender feels like a meaningful question for your family, please bring it up — I'd rather talk it through with you than have it sit in the background. And if, after we've talked, you still feel a different therapist would be a better fit for your child, I'll help you find one.

Confidentiality with children

This question matters, so here's my approach honestly.

Children need a space that feels safely their own for therapy to actually work. That means I don't give you a play-by-play of what your child built in the tray or said to me. The reason is more important than it sounds: when something a child has just begun to explore in therapy starts showing up in their everyday life — even from someone who only seems to know about it — the child often becomes resistant to exploring further. One of the largest reasons for therapy, for adults and children both, is to have a place where things can be explored that for whatever reason can't otherwise come up. Letting it come up here keeps it from quietly seeping into the rest of their life.

What I will tell you: themes I'm noticing, progress and stuck points, anything I think you should know about how to support your child, and anything related to safety — always. If your child tells me something that suggests they're in danger, or someone else is, I will involve you and, when necessary, the appropriate authorities. That's both an ethical and a legal obligation, and I take it seriously.

Here's something worth naming gently. Children often protect their parents — and themselves — by keeping certain fears to themselves. Much of what we call trauma is, at its root, an experience of not being able to safely express what a child wouldn't want to be true. Having an adult in their life who isn't part of the family can let a child say what they fear would otherwise create more of what they don't want. My job is to help them hold what they're carrying long enough that they can share it — with me, and eventually, when they're ready, with you.

What I'll usually keep confidential: the specific contents of play, specific things your child says in session that aren't safety-related, and the details of their inner world.

I tell every child I work with the same thing:

1. You are free to tell anyone anything that happens in our therapy.
2. Our play isn't a secret. Secrets are about deception. What we do is private — it's personal, and it's your choice whether and when to share it.

And then we practice the difference between those two things together. Your child will know I'm a safe person, and not a secret-keeping one when something matters for their safety.

If any of this feels unclear, ask me. I'd rather talk it through than leave you uncertain.

How long does therapy take?

The honest answer is: it depends. Rather than giving you a timeline, here's the shape of the work — most therapy with a child moves through three phases.

The beginning is the time of finding out and discovering. We don't yet know what's there to be found. This can be the hardest phase precisely because of that: the not-knowing. We're getting to know each other; your child is getting used to the room and to me; you and I are figuring out what's actually going on.

The middle is where the work happens. Your child grows into what they're carrying. You get the parent education and support you need. We find resources for both of you, wherever they need to come from.

The end is where deeper truths surface — sometimes the hardest part, but also the part where your child is most equipped to meet them. After that comes a closing: a stretch of letting your child be ready to leave a space that has held something important. Therapy isn't something to walk away from abruptly. The closing matters.

I'll always be straight with you about where I think we are and what your child needs next. If at any point therapy isn't moving, we talk about it. I am not interested in keeping a child in therapy longer than they need to be there.

Questions parents ask